I'm. Moving. On.

I made my decision.

Six o'clock came and went yesterday.

And I stuck to what I knew (and know) to be right in my heart.

I think it is over.

On Sunday night he told me that if I didn't see him on Monday then I would never talk to him again. At first I was freaked. How could I do that? I wanted him, didn't I? I had planned on marrying him, and maybe if I held on then we could get back together.

But he was different on Sunday night. He wasn't the same person I had fallen in love with. I wasn't attracted to him... I no longer felt the love for him that I had felt the day he left. He said things that made me uncomfortable. He told me things about him that had changed, that I never thought would change.

But mostly, it was what he refused to tell me that freaked me out.

He told me that I needed to come back to him so I could save him.

"Save you?" I asked. "What do you need me to save you from."

"Myself," he said. Apparently he has been doing things that would give me nightmares. But he wouldn't tell me what. Try as I might, he wouldn't budge. He said if I loved him I would take all of him... problems and all.

I had taken his problems for nearly 2 years and helped him work through them. I had seen it all. Trust me. I had nightmares from the things he HAD told me. The fact that he wouldn't tell me what this was scared me to death. And it made me realize that my decision to stop contact with him was the best one.

I can't save him. Trust me. I tried for months. I worked me butt off. I endured months of abuse, name calling, yelling, swearing, pain, and anguish ALL in the NAME of saving him. But it NEVER worked. HE never got better. It isn't my job to FIX him. I can't fix him. It took me over a year to figure this out.

Despite my revelation, I hadn't made up my mind.

I decided that I would sleep on it. And I told him that unless he told me what it was the he needed to be saved from, I wouldn't even consider seeing him again.

Six o'clock came and went and he never emailed me.

He still hasn't emailed me.

I think it is officially over. He didn't want me like he said he did. And I didn't want him the way he turned out to be. (Still don't, actually.)

I still love him. But the HIM I met 2 years ago.

Two years ago when I was young, naive, and very innocent.

The older, wiser, less innocent, and more time hardened ME doesn't love the person he has become. Time has taught me a lot. I am a different person than when I started this whole journey.

I am grateful. I learned a lot about myself. I'm still learning. I am still finding inner strength that I never knew I had.

I hope that one day another man will see my strength and want that in his life forever.

Six o'clock came and went yesterday. I didn't talk to him. He didn't talk to me. The world didn't end.

BUT in those few minutes, I took a GIANT leap in being completely over HIM.

Bring it on, WORLD. Bring. It. On.