Moving On

I have been having a hard time letting go of him.

And in order for me to move on (I mean, REALLY move on), I have to let go.

I keep thinking that eventually things will work out.

But then I think about everything that has happened and I know that I don't want everything to work out.

He doesn't talk to me much anymore.

And when he does it is only really, really mean things. I keep hoping that we will be able to stay friends, but I don't know if that is possible.

Everyone says I just need to delete him as a friend on facebook and block his number.

This scares me.

He has been a part of my life for forever (well, it seems that way).

But HOW am I EVER going to move on when I can't seem to stop looking at his facebook and checking my phone to see if he has texted me.

I know it is stupid! He said he wanted me back and I could go back to him if I really wanted to...

But I don't want to.

He treated me terribly.

He hurt me.

So I should just let go and forget him.

But it isn't that simple.

WHY isn't it that simple?

Sorry that this post is so jumbled and full of my venting, but I am really struggling. I am trying to move on, look toward the future, and never look back... but I am having a hard time of letting go of the past. THAT was my LIFE.

I feel like without THAT and HIM.... I HAVE no life.

I think that is the reason I can't let go.

And that is the reason I can't move on.