Vague... I know

I am so frustrated.

I feel like I am invisible. Like I am not being heard and every explanation I utter is nearly always taken wrong.

I have spent the last few days trying to explain myself when all I want to do is scream, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME!

But I don't. I continue to try and explain and defend myself and to patch up what little I have left of my life.

I know this is so much vagueness. Always vagueness. I feel like I can't explain fully which is equally as frustrating because maybe if I could share all the details of my latest struggle, someone could help me.

I hate that this blog has become such a depressing place. I don't mean it to be.

I am not going to take the blame for what I am going through, though. The only thing I did wrong was trust.

I am far too trusting of a person.

An abusers dream, really.

Ugh.

This isn't even about abuse. I don't even know what it's about. It's about pain and wanting so desperately to make sense of it all... It's about wanting to know when it's going to end... It's about wanting normalcy in my life... It's about missing my sister, my best friend, and not knowing where to turn.

I must seem like the world's most depressed person. I'm really not. This is the only place where I appear like this. It's the only place where I feel like I can let these feelings out. Outside of this blog and the blog world, I have to be someone else. I have to be happy and positive.

I should go to sleep. It's nearly two in the morning and my thoughts are churning like crazy.

Maybe sleep will help.

At least when I'm asleep it's ok that I'm invisible.