Don't Flatter Yourself

This is the post where I say "Don't flatter yourself."

You know who you are. And after what you did and said, two things need to be stated.

First: This blog is not a documentary about my life. I do not have the time nor the energy needed to document every last second of my existence. I know that overwhelmingly I come here to vent my frustrations about life, but even those are just a day's worth of feelings. They are nothing more than that--feelings. They are not who I am, what I feel all the time, and they are about something that only three or four people in this world even know about. You don't know what I am talking about. So don't pretend you do. You don't know me. You never have.

Second. There are vitally important things in my life that have never surfaced on this blog. And as of now, I am not sure that they even will. This blog is a public forum and now that I have released my identity, I don't feel right about attaching more names to this blog. This blog is not a family blog or a relationship blog. It is a blog where I share my feelings. Just because my feelings sometimes focus on loneliness and pain does not mean that I am alone or in a constant state of depression. On the contrary, I have been happier recently than I have ever been before. Pain and loneliness are attached to life. I don't want to get religious, but feeling like God isn't listening can bring loneliness even if you are being held by the one you love.

My trials in life have nothing to do with you--that ship has sailed. Even the residuals are finally going away. There is definitely less flinching around my poor Josh and fears of being screamed at have almost all dissipated. I know I don't talk about my successes near as much as I should, but I have a hard time publicly attaching these successes with the person who has made it possible. Just because I don't talk about him does not mean that he is not there. Like I said before--this isn't about him. Just like it wasn't about you. This blog is about me.

There are so many more things I wish I could say--some mean, some full of pity for you. As "anonymous" as you have been since I started this blog, I am not stupid or naive enough to believe you haven't been keeping track of me through this blog. I think you are the one who needs to move on--not me. I don't mean physically (we both know that that has already happened) but emotionally. I don't know what you are looking for in reading my blog so religiously, but whatever it is, it isn't healthy. I don't know or care what is going on in your life. I haven't known and haven't cared since I blocked your attempts to get me back. My future is bright and I will have everything I have ever dreamed of--more than you could have ever given me. The only reason I can see for all of your "anonymous" stalking can be summed up in one word: Regret.

Well get over it.

I have repeatedly ignored all of the crap you have posted and emailed but this is the last straw.

You are nothing to me. You mean nothing to me. And you are not a part of my life or my blog. Whatever abuse you inflicted on me and whatever pain you caused are my pains and as such are my right to talk about. But that does not mean, nor has it ever meant, that I am not over you and that I want you back.

So seriously.

Don't flatter yourself. And leave me the heck alone.

Because I am done.