Dear Unknown Number;

Please, either STOP CALLING ME or LEAVE ME A FREAKING MESSAGE. You ALWAYS call me when I am at work or asleep. I can't call you back because your number is UNKNOWN (duh).

It's driving me crazy.

The first time you called, it was weird, but not abnormal. "Wrong number," I thought to myself.

The second time I started to get a little suspicious.

BUT now that we're getting to the fifth or sixth missed "unknown number" call in a just a few weeks, I am thinking that your phone calls aren't random and are in fact planned.

STOP.

Or tell me who the heck you are and what you want.

Love,

Me.

My Wedding Announcement Rant

I used to think that you had to be friends with a person to receive their wedding announcement.

I now realize I was wrong. People don't care how they know you. As long as they know you, you are going to get a wedding announcement.

Why?

SO they can tell everyone they are no longer single.

Case in point:
I was friends-ish with a guy from high school. I'll call him "Brad." Well, when I was a junior, he decided we weren't friends. Had I not run into him after high school, we probably never would have spoken to each other again.

Unfortunately, that is not how life works. We met up in a class in college. He had a crush on my good friend and I (against my will) became the go-between. After the class ended, our "relationship" (notice I used quotes) ended. I haven't seen or heard from the kid in over two years (possibly three).

Well, today I received an e-mail from him to me (just me, none of this mass e-mail junk) requesting my address so he could send me an announcement of his wedding, even if I "couldn't make it to the reception."

What the heck!

Seriously.

We weren't (aren't) friends. Why would I be interested in receiving an invite to his reception? I already knew he was getting married. We are facebook friends (which really means nothing, except I was privileged to get that information before the e-mail.) In fact, "Brad" put me in some of the worst, un-friendly situations I have ever been in.

Except, I know why he e-mailed me. And I know why I will shortly be receiving an invite to a wedding reception that I have no intention of going to. HE wants ME to know that HE is HAPPY and engaged. He could care less whether I show up to his reception. Honestly, there are a lot of people he is sending the invite to that make no difference to him. He just wants everyone to know about his good fortune.

End of case in point.

Here are my thoughts (as if you haven't been reading them already).

Only send wedding announcements to your friends and family members. Not people you just want to gloat to.

WTH!

Aren't weddings about those you love, anyway?

This isn't the first announcement I have received that has meant little to me. Sometimes I think people just send announcements to everyone they have ever talked to.

I am SO not this way. HECK, I don't even want a lot of people to come to my wedding.

Honestly, I might just blog/e-mail/facebook after I get married.

"Just wanted to let you know So-and-So and I got married last week. If you are reading this, you are obviously not close enough to me to have garnered an invite. Take that as a good thing. I respect you enough not to torture you and make you feel obligated to come to something and buy something for someone you weren't even that great of friends with. If you disagree, please keep it to yourself. Clearly ours was a one-sided relationship."

Do YOU dream?

I do everything in my power NOT to. Except at night (which I have very little control over), my dreams are very non-existent.

“I’m sick of following my dreams. I’m just going to ask them where they’re goin’, and hook up with them later”

That is currently my facebook status.

Trust me, I feel that way 100 percent. All the time.

It isn't really a recent occurrence. I probably started feeling this way a year ago... Now it is my life's motto. I realized that my dreams are not coming true, they are probably not possible, and life is going to happen the way it's going to happen no matter what I do or don't do.

So what's the point? Exactly. I give up.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic. I'm really not. I am just done trying to make things happen that don't stand a chance of happening in the first place. How much pain and heartache would I have saved myself if I had always lived by that rule? An exponential amount, I'm telling you.

No worries. I am stronger because of it. And NOW I finally learned my lesson. No more dreams. No more wishing/hoping/begging/rearranging. I'm just going to let life happen. I am going to numb myself and let the fire and ice that is my life wash over me.

Maybe some day some of my dreams will have come true. Perhaps they will allow me to "hook up with them."

Or maybe not.

Either way, I am done following them.

Dreams are overrated anyway.

Too much time ... Too much energy ... NO pay back.

Just THINKING about the dreams I had two years ago makes me sick. What did my hours of daydreaming, discussing, deciding, imaging and planning get me?

Pain.

So let's recap.

I'm sick of following my dreams. (Heck, I am SICK of dreaming.)

I am going to ask them where they are going. (Or rather, someday I might wonder what happened to my dreams.)

And I am going to hook up with my dreams later. (Really, I just hope someday I will look back on everything and say, "Hey, I'm content.")

What about you? Do YOU dream?

Ugh

What a horrible day.

What a horrible week!

And it isn't even over yet...

Dreams

Last night I had a dream I had two dads and two moms.

Not step parents, but 4 biologically connected to me parents.

It was perfectly normal. Everyone else did, too. It wasn't even a problem to the me in dreamland. It was like having multiple sets of grandparents, except the parents all birthed you... Yeah, I'm not sure how that's possible either.

This morning it took me a few minutes to realize that I did indeed have one mom and one dad. One set of parents, one set of siblings, one cat, one frog, and one me. It was refreshing. Now I didn't have to figure out which parent was married to which parent... or if they were all married to each other... (I'm kind of sad I woke up before I figured all of this out.)

Oh dreams. Sometimes they make you long for what you don't have. They leave you with an I'm-longing-for-this-so-incredibly-bad taste in your mouth. And other times, they make you happy to be awake.

Today I am happy to be awake.

And I am happy to know who I am and who my parents are... and who they are married to... (each other, in case you weren't following this post.)

I am happy to know that I am loved. Even when I am not in the best mood, or I don't say the nicest things.

Aren't families great?

(WOW. That could be an entire blog post in and of itself. Especially because MY family--although there are times I want to kill them--is the best family. I could give you at least 100 reasons why. I hope you could give me 100 reasons why your family is the greatest, too. (Although, I must say I would have to disagree.))

Tonight I think I am going to find something better to dream about (as if I have a choice.)

Maybe I will dream about a day when I won't have to dream anymore because all of my dreams will have come true....

Or cake...

Actually, I'm not going to lie, I'd like to see how my sleepy brain finishes last night's dream.

Right Now...

My hair is in pigtails.

I have remnants of today's mascara smeared across my face... and under my fingernails.

I am eating a candy bar.

I am thinking about work tomorrow.

I am half-heartedly watching Bones. It is about a bride who died.

I am debating whether to clean my room tonight, or tomorrow... And whether to get a glass of milk.

I am worrying about school.

I am wishing for things: love, friendships, happiness, a car.

I am remembering: where I was last year. Where I was two years ago. December 16, 2008.

I am wondering about boys (dates?) from back then. HIM... Others...

Where are they now? Are they happy?

I am wondering about other friends from days gone by.

I am really debating getting milk.

I am hoping for the future. A better tomorrow. A happy graduation. A happily ever after.

I am thinking about you.

What are you doing at 12:46 a.m.? Hopefully what I should be doing--

--Sleeping.

Eh.

Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow night.

Until then, I will continue doing/thinking/wondering/worrying/wishing.

And getting milk.

To Anonymous, With Love

I am sorry I haven't written for so long!

It isn't for want of trying. On the contrary, I have composed many a posts in my absence. They have all just seemed... so... negative. And therefore, no blog posts have actually been published.

What have I been up to, you ask?

Hmmm...

I have been working constantly. My job consists of editing, paginating, editing some more, writing a little, and editing. It's exhausting. Sometimes (like tonight) my brain hurts and my eyes burn from all of the editing. Is it any surprise that when I get home, I have next to no desire to turn on a computer and stare at more words? But, on the upside, I always know what is going on in the world now.

Other than work, I have been reading (crazy, I know, but reading for pleasure is much different than reading for editing purposes). I have been watching relaxing shows, like House and Bones. I have also been sleeping. With working full time, my free time tends to fall into the "relaxation" category.

I always get to this point in the post where I feel like I am boring everyone (all one of you) out there who reads this and I save it to drafts and go to bed. But since I had a complaint that I haven't written in a while, I am going to continue onward.

I will leave you with a few little tidbits:

1. I recently saw Toy Story 3 and LOVED it.

2. I interviewed for a job (for when school starts) last week. Cross your fingers for me!

3. I am going fishing tomorrow.

4. A few more of my joints have started bothering me, but I bailed on my doctor's appointment so I still don't know what is wrong with me. Call me chicken (and overworked).

5. I eat ice cream every day after work.

6. I am going to buy a passport. (Is buy the right word? Should I say apply for a passport?)

7. I have a pet frog.

Anyway, I hope all is well with you! I'll try to keep you more updated. You should do the same for me!

Now, I am off to sleep. (Or to finish my movie, whichever comes first). Goodnight!