I know that is highly self-centered and selfish, but gosh darn it, right now I don't care.
I am tired of sitting back and watching good things happen to other people, all the while pretending to be happy for them.
"I am so happy for you!" "Congratulations!" "You're baby is so cute!" "I'm glad you love being married."
The words taste like vinegar and I am tired of lavishing others with them so freely. I am sick of being sad, lonely, depressed, upset, angry, and upset. Yes, I know I said upset twice. It has been an underlying theme in my life lately.
I know money and possessions don't buy happiness. I know that material items won't magically make my world better. But right now I am not allowing myself to believe that. Just give me instant gratification ONCE in my life and let me relish in the momentary happiness it brings.
Yes. I want to be the center of the universe right now. I want everyone to love me, everyone to want to spend time with me. I want all of my dreams now. I want people to be happy for me! I don't want to have to fake smile/talk my way out of a conversation anymore. I want my new car, I want school to be paid for, and I want to be the favorite for once in my life.
Ugh.
And I want to be able to fly and to know all, as long as I am throwing out my wants and wishes and other things unobtainable.
Can't I just have one wish today? Please?
I thought not. :(
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