Happy Memorial Day

Today I helped my parents do yard work. Well, help is a relative term for someone who is terrified of bugs and hates dirt... But I did spend the day in the beautiful outdoors keeping my mom and dad company while they tackled the gardening demons.

The rest of the family was gone. I relish the time I get to spend alone with my mom and dad. Crazy, I know, but it is always fun to be alone with two people I care about immensely. The time I got today with them was no different. What a great day!

Life lately has been... stressful. I have a list of things I am worried about and that are making me sick. I hate that about me--the fact that I can obsess and worry about things until I am physically ill. It doesn't help that I have a hard time sleeping at night. I hate that I can't control my anxiety as completely as I would like.

But I am hanging in there, waiting for peaceful days like today when I don't worry.

I leave for my trip in two days. At this point in time it is actually less than two days away; our flight is Wednesday morning. I haven't let myself get really excited for the trip yet because I know the second I let myself get truly worked up, it will be over. Isn't that how most trips are? You countdown forever and then it lasts for what seems like merely seconds?

I hate that feeling of "now it is all going to be over." Perhaps that is why I never let myself get truly attached to anything. I don't like the sadness that comes with the end. This is evident in my relationships with people.

Especially now.

I have always been somewhat reserved, but someone once convinced me to let go and trust. I did. Whole-heartedly. The demise of THAT relationship was one of the hardest things I have ever had to get over (get through?).

I think that is the reason I relish the moments I have with my parents... like today. They are two of the few people I trust totally and completely. I know they will never leave me. Even in death, I know that we will be together again.

I just wish I could trust people outside of my family.

What would it be like to be normal again?

But then again, are any of us really normal? I think if everyone was perfectly normal, this world would be a bland one indeed. Ha ha. I know my family would not be as great if we were all "normal."

Anyway, it is dinner time. And I am starving. :) So I will talk to you later!

I hope you had a happy Memorial Day. The next time you hear from me I will be well-vacationed and hopefully tanner (more tan?)

Until next time!