I think you need to know

Sometimes when I look at you I can't help but think you deserve more.

You probably won't ever read this. You probably don't even remember I exist. But I remember you.

I watched you from afar.

I grew up with you. I admired you. I thought you were one of the coolest things since sliced bread.

I was happy to call you friend.

I don't want to say you screwed up your life. It is your life and you know better than I where you are.

And sometimes the places we end up are because of another.

We trusted wrong.

I realize this. And I am not blaming you for where you are now. For all I know you are perfectly content.

But I am curious.

Are you happy?

Is this where you want to be?

I want to blame it on the pain I know you felt. I watched it happen. I never told you I was there. I was too afraid that you would think I wasn't minding my own business or something. Maybe I wasn't. Or maybe you wouldn't be where you are now if I had been there.

We were friends.

But I have always been painfully shy. And it has never been easy for me to let go of fears of rejection. So instead I just watched from here as you got hurt over there.

I guess I am speaking out now to tell you that while you can't go back, you can go forward. You don't have to stay there. Not like this. You never wanted this.

Or has that changed?

I thought it had changed for me, too. I thought that where I was is where I wanted to be. It was a terribly dark and lonely place, but I HAD to justify my existence in that hell. Saying I wasn't happy would be admitting I had made a terrible mistake. I understand if you don't want to admit that. But I see your pain.

It is so easy to allow more pain come into you life when you already feel beaten.

It was always at my lowest moments that I would voluntarily sink lower.

I didn't think it was voluntary, mind you. But looking back I recognize it was. I was so low I became numb and allowed the pain to continue to worsen. Oftentimes the fact that the pain was different was enough to convince me that this decision would be a good one. And then it wasn't. And I hurt again.

Did you do that? Are you doing it?

Or is this where you want to be with your life?

I want you to be happy.

But more than anything I don't want you to regret this. And while I definitely don't think I have all the answers, part of me thinks you will regret this. Or at least you will question your actions. And there will be more pain.

I don't want this for you.

I felt it.

I want you to get out now.

I'm in a better place now. There is not as much pain associated with my decisions. Life is certainly not easy. But it is peaceful. I want you to be here. With me. Sifting through the tornado torn ravages of past decisions. But recognizing the beauty of life beyond the storm.

I don't want your life stormy anymore.

How can I help?

Friend. I am here for you. I feel like we were both confronted with similar storms. I won't say that my storm was anything compared to yours. But I can empathize. I want to empathize. I want to help.

You deserve more, you know. This is your life and you are in control of it. I think you forgot. I think you forgot your worth.

Well stop. Stop right now.

You deserve more. And until you recognize that you will be stuck in this storm. It's a hard place to get out of, but trust me, it is worth it.

Especially when you recognize how amazing you are. Because you are.

Amazing.

Strong.

Beautiful.

And so much more.

You probably don't remember me. And you probably won't read this. But maybe someone else will tell you how I feel. Because you need to know.

There is a whole, big world out there for you to discover.

There is a life you have yet to live.

There are happinesses that are going to come to you if you can just hold on. Trust me. I know.

And maybe someday I can give you a hug. And tell you I was here. Because I want to. I still think the world of you. Despite everything.

You know what?

I think you know that too.