A Post From Bed

This is going to be a post from my Touch, as I am still in bed with my door closed and my light off pretending to be a sleep.

I am asking you to overlook all spelling and grammar errors that come with a handheld screen posting.

I apologize for slacking in my blogging. I feel like my life has been nothing but stress. Even Christmas break held an abnormal amount of stress for me. And now that the semester has started, stress seems to be pouring in from all corners of my life. It is overwhelming.

Today I channeled that stress at other people. I facebook stalked this morning to my heart's content, thinking mean thoughts about the people I was choosing to look at.

I looked at the jerk who hurt my sister. He seems to be so happy. I wanted to send him a nasty message outlining exactly how awful I think he is and telling him that I warned him not to hur her... I think that now he must pay.

I looked at a girl who is a lot younger than me but who is engaged. I know this shouldn't bother me, but she has always been kind of stuck up and her posts about how perfect her life was made me want to scream. My life is so far from perfect. It is good, yes. I recognize all o have. But I do want more. I don't talk about it much, but I want to get married. I want to start a family and move into the next stage of my life. I know I'm graduating, but somedays it seems so... uneventful. Almost old news. Everyone gets excited for people getting married. Why does no one seem to care about the hours I put in to get my degree?

I looked through friends pictures and compared myself to them. "They are so skinny compared to me," I said. "They are so beautiful." I wanted each of their lives. It didn't seem fair that o was given the life I have and today I let myself be bitter.

And then I sunk even lower as I remembered that my sister, my very best friend, will be gone in less than two weeks. I let the anguish over that overwhelm my senses. My best friend is leaving and I feel like we aren't close friends anymore and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Eighteen months is a long time. And right now, I feel like she is more worried about getting things with her missionary in line than with making sure we're ok. It's ok, though. As long as she's happy. I love her.

And that's where my bitterness kind of washed away. I stopped thinking about everyone else and listened to my cat snore at the foot of the bed.

I have a life. How lucky I am for that? I have a family who loves me And friends who care abou me. I love my cat and my teddy bear and I am graduating in a few months, despite EVERYTHING I have gone through. I have a bffff who would do anything for me and a mother who supports me in everything. Honestly, I don't want for anything. Not really. I am grateful for everything that I have. Including the bad things. Without those, I would have no idea how great my life is now.

And honestly. I think I am happier than most people because of that. :)

Oh silly Blog.

I come to you to complain and you inevitably make me feel better.

I need to blog more.

Life is good.