Fish ... or something else

I started this blog as a place where all of the words that swim around inside my head can be released (or caught, I guess, since we're kind of talking about fish ... er ... just go with me).

That having been said, I have to be in the mood to to blog. There has to be something I am thinking about in order for me to write. And it has to be something worth posting here.

I had an anonymous reader once ask me to send him/her my drafts. I thought long and hard about that. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. For two reasons.

1. How could I remain anonymous if I were sending someone something via e-mail?
2. There was a reason I didn't post the drafts in the first place. I felt hypocritical e-mailing them.

This past week I have been traveling, working, puking and sleeping. All thoughts and emotions, though definitely there (and often sitting--against my will--on my shirt sleeve (who came up with that saying anyway)), have not been worth mentioning on this blog. I have felt neither the desire to share my deepest, darkest sufferings (Anguish, joy? Pick an emotion, I am sure I felt it) nor the desire to face your input on my feelings. In fact, I dreaded what you would surely say to me.

Thus, my blog went untouched.

I didn't even try to post something.

Until now.

I'm not going to post about all of afore mentioned things. The time is still not right for that.

But I feel the need to blog.

I don't really know what to say--what I am going to say--but my fingers are typing. Someone needs to hear my words.

Me?

Right now I am at work. I am sick to my stomach. I haven't eaten in a while and I am sitting alone. I have a party that I have to go to when I leave here and I am (if I might say) looking exceptionally cute in my blue top and curly hair. I forgot my jewelry and my jacket, so I feel a bit cold and naked.

But I am OK.

I want so desperately for you to know that despite everything that happened this week, I will wake up tomorrow and I will continue moving forward.

Do tragic things happen?

Yes.

Am I hurting right now?

Definitely.

But tomorrow is another day. I have family and friends who love me. I have goals and hopes and dreams. And even the darkest nights--the worst nightmares--end.

Today I woke up with a new sense of confidence. I pray that it will last as I weather the storms that frequent my life.

I also pray for you. I know there are storms in your life too. Don't falter. Be strong. Stay true to who you are. Always remember that each decision you make holds eternal consequences--for good or bad. Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I think you forget, too.

Think before you speak; before you say something hurtful. You will regret it. I always do.

Don't worry so much. It will all work out.

Right now, I don't feel like anything is every going to work out. I hurt. I'm sad and angry.

But I digress.

I'm OK. And tomorrow is another day.

Bring it on, baby.

Bring it on.

P.S. Stay tuned for an upcoming post about the vacation I mentioned earlier in this post. It's full of driving, rain, crappy hotels, and Buffalo!