Strength

Today I know I am stronger than I think.

There are three reasons how I know.

1. I look at people I was friends with/knew at earlier points in my life, and many of them are in places that they never thought they would be in. Today I was invited to the wedding of a friend I had at church and school. I know who she is marrying, and I know that she is selling herself short. She isn't the first friend I have watched throw away her dreams in order to chase momentary happiness. I was there once. Just like my friend, I thought my happiness was eternal. Now, I know it was momentary. For months I have felt so weak. Looking at her today, I know I am stronger than I think. I didn't sacrifice my eternal dreams for in-the-moment happiness.

2. Last week I called on an internship I had read about on facebook. A year ago I would have balked at the thought of calling a complete stranger and inquiring about a job position. Last week I not only did this, but I showed up for the interview, impressed the interviewer, and got the job. I still have anxiety. Even as I write this I worry about tomorrow and the future of my career in journalism. But I am not letting that anxiety control me anymore. Today I even applied for an RA position at school. A year ago I never would have dreamed of taking a housing position and living away from friends. But now, I realize that I am stronger than I think. My anxiety and insecurities do not control me.

3. I look at choices I make on a daily basis and how hard some of them are. I see my strength in these hard decisions, because I don't run away from the choices I am faced with. I joined a choir so I could meet friends, despite having a horrendous experience. I even made a friend. I enrolled in school again, even though I didn't want to have that stress in my life. I conquered the stress and managed an A average. I stand up for myself, something I never would have done a year ago. I go to countless doctor appointments and endure pain because I know it is something I have to do. My next appointment is next week. I quit a job where I was being sexually harassed even though the manager neither supported my decision nor made it easy for me to do. Today, I know I am stronger than I think because I stand up for myself and accomplish things, no matter how hard they may be.

Some days I need to remind myself of my strength.

Today I am proud of myself.

Look above for three reasons why.

Photo courtesy of http://www.marcuardheritage.com/eng/strength/images/strength.jpg