To A Happy 2013

It's hard to believe I haven't written since September. It's even harder to think about how much has changed since that last post. Time is a funny thing. It moves so slowly and rapidly at the same time, it's hard to fully grasp the changes it brings until you look back at what was and realize it no longer is.

As I am starting 2013, my life is white compared to the blackness of the beginnings of 2012. I have finally found my other half. The one person who completes me so totally and completely, it's hard to remember life without him. I finally have my sister back from her service to The Lord. And she is finally married to the one she chose nearly three years ago. I look toward the future and realize how rapidly my life will be changing, but for so long it has seemed that my life has slowly crawled by.

I look to the future with mixed emotions. Change scares me and though I know it will bring me happiness, sometimes I look toward the past and miss the simplicity of my childhood. And I'm also sad to leave my mom. She gave me get heart and soul and taught me how to be Christlike. She is truly my best friend and I will mourn when I no longer wake up to her cheerful voice and bright smile. The thought of one day becoming a mother terrifies me. I pray I can be half the mother she is; I was tuly blessed to have been sent to her.

But there is no other I'd want to move forward with. My Love has shown me what love means. A true Southern gentleman, I've been the rarest and most valuable jewel to him almost since the day we met. He tells me he doesn't know what he did to deserve me. I laugh because I'm the one who doesn't deserve him. Every day I thank God He wasn't right. I thought I knew what love was, but I had no idea. Even now I recognize how much more I have to learn. I can't wait for that experience.

I want all abide survivors to know that the journey to healing and happiness is a long, painful one. It takes patience and perserverance. Don't give into the dark thoughts that might plague you. And don't believe the demons inside of you and outside that tell you you're worthless. You're not. 

Today I'm grateful for what I learned. And for the bitterness of past experiences. Without those things wouldn't be so sweet now.