It's hard not to question, looking back, what was truth and what was words fed to poison my mind. Telling me what I "wanted to hear" only goes so far when every other word spoken was a blatent lie.
Today I question myself. I question what I believe. I cry for the part of me that is lost. Self image is hard to recapture when you aren't sure what you see in the mirror. When the facade that has been built around you crumbles and you finally recognize it was built on lies, is it even possible to pick out truths amidst the destruction?
If the kind things you said were nothing but toxins you spewed from your mouth to blind me from truly seeing you, then clearly I am as useless as you say I am. I know the truth exists somewhere, but how can you be wrong when you weren't the first to say it?
But worse than that, how can I ever believe anyone else when you have poisoned me to all that is good in this world? It doesn't matter what anyone else says. Because of you I built the walls. Because of you I'll never believe.
Maybe it's a good thing you stole my trust--destroying even the desire to try again. At least now I won't get hurt again.
Yes. I have built my walls. I am done with the pain.
loving to learn
14 years ago