Hatred

Burning, scorching, a liquid fire
Each heart beat scalds my veins.
Oozing, bleeding, pulsing hate,
Throbbing, pounding pain.

Silent screaming, echoing
Searing, blinding, white.
Vulgar, warped, disgusting words
Vibrate through my mind

Coughing, drowning, gagging air
My throat is scorched by flame
Water fizzles, blackened air
Slimy suffocation

A crowbar, bullet, knives, a gun
Black and hard. Like me.
Beating, blasting, breaking, burning
Hate wields her weapons wild.

Sunrise, starburst. Darkness end.
Nightmares twist with smoke.
Hate churns, frothy, sour, unbidden
Poisoned saliva that must be swallowed

Molten weapons, locked inside
Devouring flesh within
Cold, unfeeling, unrelenting
Seeking to kill.

Death will come to one of us,
Hate takes who it can
Tempered eruption protects the guilty
Innocents wither, writhe, waste

Self destruct in bloody puss,
An abhorrent, flesh eating infection
Sucking, swallowing, gnawing, tearing
While apathetic guilty stoically watch



---I known this is a lame attempt at describing my feelings, but words in sentence and paragraph form just weren't doing my feelings justice. I hate someone right now. And I don't want to. It is destroying me from the inside out and I can't handle it. It's a daily process. I try tobget over it. I know that hating means I get hurt twice. Once by the offender and then once by me, wallowing in the horrific feelings of hate. I get hurt twice with the offender gets off with nary a bad word from me.

This is what I am trying to learn. How to shrug off the single worst thing to ever happen to me. Yes. Worse than everything else I have written about on this blog. How do I get past this now? It wasn't hard forgiving Him. So please. Tell me why this is so hard?

Catch me I'm falling. Please hear me calling.
I'm self destructing and I can't stop it. I can't fix it this time.

And I'm tired of trying.