Me

So I have officially become this person who refuses to tell people when they have hurt me. It's as if I have been told that it's my fault so many times, I can't bring myself to tell the anyone that I think it is their fault.

Recently I have struggled with the actions of a person who I thought was one of my closest friends. This person has broken promises made to me and treated me in a way that I feel is unacceptable for a friend. I want to tell this person how badly I have been hurt by these actions, but I can't bring myself to do it. I worry that it will make things worse. I worry that it will start a fight. I don't want to just be told that I am the one at fault and if I were different things would be different. I have really struggled with this. Sometimes I feel like I am just too nice and I take too much crap from people--letting them walk all over me. But other times I wonder if I really do have a problem. Am I the one who sabotages friendships and relationships? Would I be happier if I stopped being Shirrel and became someone else? Someone better?

I guess my question is this: How do I change and who would I become?

Whoever I become, it has to be better than the person I am now. It has to hurt less than being Shirrel.