Stuck

I am worried about my future.

To the extreme.

I am not supposed to be this stressed about arbitrary events and things that may or may not happen. But I am. Big time.

Maybe it's because I am done stressing about school and I have nothing else to occupy my time with. Maybe it's because I don't have a job. But honestly, I have had one of the hardest weeks in a long time. I haven't been sleeping and I have been crying over everything.

And I can't for the life of me figure out why.

Ugh.

I am the type of girl who likes to have her future figured out. I know what I am going to eat tomorrow for breakfast and lunch, for heaven's sake. I hate surprises and I can't stand the unknown. I feel like I am not in control when something unexpected happens so I plan my life to the second.

But I am quickly realizing I can't plan something when I don't know what I want.

There. I said it.

I don't have the slightest idea what I want. I graduated from college with a degree I don't really care to use. I decided two years into college (after all of the classes for my major had been taken) that I did not want to be a journalist. But I always figured I would just graduate and then go to grad school and get a degree in something I was more interested in. I couldn't stomach two years of wasted school.

But now what?

I have no clue. Law school? I don't have a clue what I would go to grad school for. English? History? But then what? TEACH? Ick. 

And to top that off, I have no idea where my personal life is headed. This is not supposed to be this complicated, but it is. I very much feel like whatever choice I make will lead to certain destruction. Which is silly, I know, but I don't want to make a decision and then fail.

I am terribly afraid of failure and of being hurt and of ruining my future. Which leaves me sitting on the couch scared to death to do anything.

Granted, it has been less than a month since I graduated. So I probably haven't screwed up my life too horribly bad yet.

Still. What happens if I make a mistake. (Don't answer it. I know the answer will be something close to "it will be OK" or "maybe you need to grow." I don't want to hear that right now. I want to stay here and worry, I guess.)

I guess my question is this. What happens if I want two things so incredibly bad but I don't think I can have both things at the same time? How do I choose which is more important? And how do I make myself OK with whatever decision I make?

Right now I feel like there are multiple roads in front of me that I can choose from. And I feel like I want to take more than one of them. But that isn't possible.

So I am sitting here and waiting and praying and hoping I can figure it out.

My mom told me today that if I am patient I will know which road to take. She seems extremely confident it will all work out. Mom's are like that, you know? Always the calm, reassuring one.

I just need to listen to her. And stop stressing.

I am going to California in 10 days. I should be stressing about sunburns and motion sickness; NOT a future that I don't even need to decide on right now.

Phew.

I think I need ice cream.

Internet Purge

I am facebook stalking, internet surfing, and blog hopping. And talking to myself because I am alone. All of this internet viewing has prompted me to make an internet list. A list of pet peeves, if you will.

1. Ugly babies. I know that technically all babies are beautiful because of their status as baby and I am going to cause an uproar by saying--Not all babies are cute. But some are ugly. And honestly, a lot of the ugly babies are the ones who have beautiful parents. I don't understand and if you asked me about your baby, I am sure I would say it was the cutest thing since sliced bread, but seriously, not all babies are created equal.*

*Just for saying that I am going to be the mother of the world's ugliest baby. I am going to knock on wood really fast.

2. Spelling/Grammar errors. There are some people in this world who should not have a blog. I am not going to name names, but if you can't spell simple words and you don't know the difference between your and you're, I really think you should delete your blog. I know, I know, I don' have to read your blog if it bugs me (I really do try to avoid the blogs with spelling and grammatical errors) but they are seriously everywhere. Can you spell check?

3. Facebook Statuses. Just because you care about something does not mean the rest of the blog/facebook reading world also cares. So what if you are in a fight with your best friend. Putting posts that allude to something but don't actually say anything are just plain frustrating. Wow. I am talking about this blog, aren't I? I have always been one to frustrate myself.

4. Pictures. For those of us who don't know everyone you are friends with, tag your photos. Especially if I am in the picture. I feel stupid tagging your pictures for you.

5. PRIVACY. This is the internet, folks. If you put stuff online, be prepared for anyone and everyone to be able to find it. If you have issues with that, don't get in the internet. I officially don't want another status about how facebook is changing this and that and the world will be able to access everything if you don't change this and that and turn around three times while uttering a magic spell. If you have issues with privacy, then I suggest you stay away from facebook.

6. Facebook games. No matter how many times you send me your requests to help you harvest onions for your purple cow, I will never, ever respond. I don't play facebook games. Please stop asking for my help. It's annoying. Doesn't the fact that I haven't responded in the years since you started sending me requests mean anything?

7. False Ads. I am a KSL addict and spend hours looking for deals, bargains, and interesting things. I am tired of emailing about things (the most recent being a puppy) and being told that "I am not located in Utah, but if you send me enough money to cover shipping, I will send you the moon, right to your doorstep. Just pay me the money first and the company I am going through will handle the rest." Are people really that stupid to send off for something that is too good to be true and that wreaks of scam?

8. YouTube videos. Stop putting "Funniest ..." in the title. I won't look at it. Chances are it isn't the funniest. In fact, most of the time it is the stupidest. If it's actually funny, get me to watch it a different way. 

9. Ebay. Do people really think they can get that much money for what they are selling? Do people really spend that much on used items? Or the new ones, for that matter. I see things on ebay that I could get from Walmart for half of what ebay sellers are charging. I don't even understand. 
--And on an ebay side note, if you are selling a car, why isn't there a number I can call you at? I don't want to bid on a car after viewing 4 fuzzy pictures you uploaded. Wouldn't you sell more if you allowed for contacting the seller via phone call?

10. Email viruses. I am tired of getting emails from "friends" that are really just viruses in disguise. It's kind of unnerving that I have to screen my emails, right down to my own contacts list. 

Ok, so it sounds like I can't stand the internet, but I really don't hate all of the things I vented about. I just hate certain things about them. 

What about you? Do you have any internet pet peeves?

Post Post:
My poor computer is being fixed right now so I have no pictures or ways to get pictures onto this post. Not that there are a whole lot of pics to include in a vent. But I really do want to start documenting my life more adequately (including pictures) rather than these brief monthly updates that I worry bore you all to death.

Class of 2011

It's official!

I graduated from COLLEGE!!!

WOOOHOOOO!!!!!

Yes. I am quite ecstatic! After four years of working towards this I have a Bachelor of Science in Journalism from Utah State University.

I don't even know what to do next!

Law school?

Masters degree?

I'd love to teach history on a college level.

Whatever my future holds, this is the first step and I am stoked!

Pictures to come later. But for now I just wanted to check in and let you know of my latest accomplishment. I  can't believe I was able to keep all of this together amidst everything that has happened in my life. I can't believe I made it through this final semester and all the hard classes I had to take. And I can't believe I don't have to take another final.

:)

Yep.

I am happy.

I am a college graduate.

And I am going to Disneyland in less than a month with my awesome family and my BFFFF, Yachie (Josh)!

Could life get any better? I submit that it canNOT!