The Rose

I am staring at the roses that are blooming outside my window.

The largest one is off-white and much larger than the other roses. I wonder if the other roses feel inferior to such a magnificent beauty.

Part of me wants to cut its stem and bring the rose to my room. But alas, there is no breeze in my room to capture the silky petals. I fear the rose would feel lost.

It's hard not to stare as it sways in the soft, morning breeze.

The window is open a crack so I can feel the same wind the flowers are feeling. I can also hear the birds chirping and the planes flying to and from Hill Air Force Base.

It's easy to get lost in the simplicity.

Oh that I were a rose dancing in the fresh summer sun and the crisp, warm breeze. How I wish I could join the birds as they fly from tree to tree in my backyard.

Instead I will pacify myself by listening and watching.

And maybe later... when nobody is watching... I will let the breeze capture my hair as I dance in the beautiful summer warmth.

Happy Summer! How will you celebrate?

Strength

Today I know I am stronger than I think.

There are three reasons how I know.

1. I look at people I was friends with/knew at earlier points in my life, and many of them are in places that they never thought they would be in. Today I was invited to the wedding of a friend I had at church and school. I know who she is marrying, and I know that she is selling herself short. She isn't the first friend I have watched throw away her dreams in order to chase momentary happiness. I was there once. Just like my friend, I thought my happiness was eternal. Now, I know it was momentary. For months I have felt so weak. Looking at her today, I know I am stronger than I think. I didn't sacrifice my eternal dreams for in-the-moment happiness.

2. Last week I called on an internship I had read about on facebook. A year ago I would have balked at the thought of calling a complete stranger and inquiring about a job position. Last week I not only did this, but I showed up for the interview, impressed the interviewer, and got the job. I still have anxiety. Even as I write this I worry about tomorrow and the future of my career in journalism. But I am not letting that anxiety control me anymore. Today I even applied for an RA position at school. A year ago I never would have dreamed of taking a housing position and living away from friends. But now, I realize that I am stronger than I think. My anxiety and insecurities do not control me.

3. I look at choices I make on a daily basis and how hard some of them are. I see my strength in these hard decisions, because I don't run away from the choices I am faced with. I joined a choir so I could meet friends, despite having a horrendous experience. I even made a friend. I enrolled in school again, even though I didn't want to have that stress in my life. I conquered the stress and managed an A average. I stand up for myself, something I never would have done a year ago. I go to countless doctor appointments and endure pain because I know it is something I have to do. My next appointment is next week. I quit a job where I was being sexually harassed even though the manager neither supported my decision nor made it easy for me to do. Today, I know I am stronger than I think because I stand up for myself and accomplish things, no matter how hard they may be.

Some days I need to remind myself of my strength.

Today I am proud of myself.

Look above for three reasons why.

Photo courtesy of http://www.marcuardheritage.com/eng/strength/images/strength.jpg

Things You Never Knew About Me

1. I am addicted to Bones. I watch it every chance I get.

2. I HATE the show The Hills. Yet, I am oddly addicted to it and watch it nearly as often as I watch Bones. It is a waste of my life, but I am drawn to the drama.

3. I have an internship this summer at the Standard Examiner. In only one year, I will be graduated and have a career.

4. I have an odd suntan line on my forehead because I missed a spot while putting sunscreen on. It makes me laugh when I look in the mirror.

5. I have overly sensitive skin that breaks out in rashes if I even think about it. As I post this, I can't stop scratching.

6. Ever since falling down the stairs at school, I am terrified of them. I approach every stair with more caution than is probably necessary.

7. I buy a book nearly every time I go to the store--even if there are still books on my shelf that I haven't read. At this point in time, I have more books stashed on my two shelves and around my room than I can even count... and I haven't even read them all.

8. I am majoring in journalism, but I don't want to be a journalist.

9. I have junk food hidden throughout my room for snacking while homeworking and for keeping out of reach of my family members.

10. Being alone in the dark scares me. Sometimes it takes me hours to fall asleep because I keep hearing noises.

11. I hate cereal. It is vile.

12. Secretly, I love chick flicks and books that end happily-ever-after. I just refuse to admit it because I don't feel that I will ever be happy.

13. I am afraid of large crowds. It makes me feel claustrophobic and gives me panic attacks.

14. I don't have a plan for my future. I like people to believe that I know who I am and where I am going, but lately, I am just wandering around aimlessly. I only pretend to know what I want out of life.

15. I love Tenacious D's song "Tribute."

16. I have a list of songs that I feel describe me/Him, our breakup, and my life now. "You Don't Know Me" and "Foundations" are two of my favorites.

17. I am an avid blog-stalker. I am also an avid blog editor. Spelling and grammar mistakes drive me crazy.

18. I hate shopping. Unless it is for books or toys.

19. I hate Harry Potter. I am probably one of the only people, and just admitting this is bound to get me stoned.

20. I love when I get comments. I don't feel so alone when I know there is someone out there who knows I exist.

21. This is my 61 post. It may not sound important, but with my Him and Me blog, I blogged 61 times. I can't believe I have matched that. To me, this post is an anniversary of sorts.

22. I can't handle ending lists on an odd number. Unless it is a five.

23. I love Greek. It's the best show since Gilmore Girls.

24. I have bangs.

25. I hate that my list is in no apparent order. If I wasn't so lazy I would go back and rework and reorder the things you never knew about me. Instead I will leave you a final thing you never knew about me. I am a perfectionist. But I am also lazy. Today my laziness trumps my perfection tendencies.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Wow.

So much to say.

Last I talked to you I was getting ready to fly to the great state of California to do some whirlwind vacationing. Oh vacation. Is it just me, or are vacations more hectic than real-life? I try to pack everything in, sacrificing sleep and sanity, all in the name of fun and relaxation.

Of course I ended up at Disneyland again. If you know anything about me, you know that my heart lies in that park. My poor feet, however, suffered. Who knew that days of walking through California and Disneyland would leave me with blisters and blood? Definitely not me! Especially because I wore old, comfortable shoes.

Great food, great friends, and great memories. And now I am looking forward to the next big vacation. Clearly I am obsessed. It seems like all I want to do lately is hop on a plane and end up somewhere far, far away.

Next I have been planning on Chicago. That should be fun, considering I have only been there once for a few hours.

After that, probably Washington D.C. or Hawaii. Florida has also been put on the table, but I think as time passes we are leaning away from that option.

Maybe I should turn this blog into a travel blog?

I have also been looking into getting a passport and traveling farther than the confines of the United States of America. Traveling makes me happy, makes me feel free, and lessens my anxieties.

It's funny that I am so obsessed with traveling when my family has always been more conservative.

In other news, I had an internship interview that I am waiting to hear back about. Part of me really wants it, but the other part of me hopes I don't get it. It stresses me out. I guess what is supposed to happen will happen.

No matter what, I am going to be planning a new, exciting vacation. I'll have to celebrate in a year anyway. I will be graduated! Wooohoooo!!

Random ending note. I never know how to end these posts.

Like now.