Happy Birthday to Me!!

I can't believe another year has passed! It's crazy how the time flies. But it's been a great year and I am extremely happy today! (Which, if you know anything about me, is odd for birthdays.) 

I just got done with an amazing Kneaders breakfast with my mom, and now I'm relaxing with my newest addition!! :) My baby! 

A couple of months ago my best friend and cat of 10 years passed away. It was heartbreaking. Amidst my grief, my wonderful sister found me the cutest, spunkiest kitten a girl could ask for. She's a sweetheart and a handful. She gives the best loves, but also thinks that legs are for climbing and toes are for eating. (Not hers, but ours.)

And to top it off, my Chrispy loves her too. :) Honestly, everyone loves her. Even my "stern" father. ;)

Other than my new kitty, I've been busy working and playing and planning for the future. Chris and I are going to Denver next month and I couldn't be more excited. (Actually, I could. Haha. If it were Disneyland... )

Sorry it takes so long for me to post. I honestly don't think about it. I guess I just don't find myself needing an outlet when I'm so happy. :)

I hope you've been happy, too! If not, don't worry. 

There must needs be opposition in all things. 

You're time will come. 

CAKES!! And my Christopher :)

So my new hobby (obsession??) is cake decorating. I don't know if I am doing it because I want to start my own business, or if I am simply enjoying the creativity and the joy of making people I love happy. In any case, I wanted to share a few pictures of some cakes I have made recently. :)

This first one is a cake I made for my sister, Jenni. She tried out for Productions at Layton High School recently and I wanted to make her a cake to celebrate her success if she made it, or to make her smile if she didn't. Many of you have probably seen the pig in mud cake, but I took it a step further because I wanted to experiment with making water. I was thrilled with how my animals turned out! I told a little story on the cake. If you can see it, the piglets are on top of each others shoulders so they can throw mud at the ducklings. The poor duckling jumped out of his pants when he was hit he was so startled. :) 

This next cake is one I made for a friend of Jenni's. She wanted me to build a bridge and put a model of him under it. I didn't put anything else on the cake because she wanted to write on it.

"I know I missed your birthday. But here's a bridge. Get over it." Or something to that effect. Haha.

In any case, I am quite impressed by my little (edible) guy.

This last cake is one I made for my sister's (Shantae) birthday. I love it! It was so much fun to create and it was even more fun to see how happy she was to have a princess cake. :)

Finally, I wanted to talk a little about my Chris. He is from Louisiana and he recently moved here to be near me. :D Yes, he quit his job, packed his truck, and drove across the country so he could be close to me. I love him so much. I haven't talked about him much because I don't want to jinx anything, but we have been together for 6 months and have been friends for more than a year now. My family loves him, he fits in wonderfully, but even better than that, he fits ME wonderfully. I never thought I could ever be this happy.

I was lucky enough to fly back to Louisiana to meet Chris's family and drive with him to Utah. I am going to include some of the pictures from my mini vacation with Chris.

This is us at Global Wildlife where we got to feed giraffes and get close to so many different kinds of animals. It was so much fun!

This was our llama friend. He followed us around everywhere. I think he was my favorite part of the whole day. :)

This is our stop at the Grand Canyon on our drive home. I wish I would have taken more pictures at more of our stops, but we were driving so much, I didn't think about it.

You can't tell, but I am SUPER close to the edge. It is super scary. But what's the point of going to the Grand Canyon if you don't get as close to the edge as you can?

I think Chris is closer to the edge than I was. If I had seen that I would have got mad at him. But he would have just laughed. He is a marine. He walks in the face of danger. Crazy.

I will have to post more pictures at a later post. I just wanted share a little bit of what's been going on in my life since I have been so absent on the blogging front. I have been keeping a journal so at the end of the day, I never feel the need to update this. But I will try to at least be more informative when big things happen in my life. :)

To A Happy 2013

It's hard to believe I haven't written since September. It's even harder to think about how much has changed since that last post. Time is a funny thing. It moves so slowly and rapidly at the same time, it's hard to fully grasp the changes it brings until you look back at what was and realize it no longer is.

As I am starting 2013, my life is white compared to the blackness of the beginnings of 2012. I have finally found my other half. The one person who completes me so totally and completely, it's hard to remember life without him. I finally have my sister back from her service to The Lord. And she is finally married to the one she chose nearly three years ago. I look toward the future and realize how rapidly my life will be changing, but for so long it has seemed that my life has slowly crawled by.

I look to the future with mixed emotions. Change scares me and though I know it will bring me happiness, sometimes I look toward the past and miss the simplicity of my childhood. And I'm also sad to leave my mom. She gave me get heart and soul and taught me how to be Christlike. She is truly my best friend and I will mourn when I no longer wake up to her cheerful voice and bright smile. The thought of one day becoming a mother terrifies me. I pray I can be half the mother she is; I was tuly blessed to have been sent to her.

But there is no other I'd want to move forward with. My Love has shown me what love means. A true Southern gentleman, I've been the rarest and most valuable jewel to him almost since the day we met. He tells me he doesn't know what he did to deserve me. I laugh because I'm the one who doesn't deserve him. Every day I thank God He wasn't right. I thought I knew what love was, but I had no idea. Even now I recognize how much more I have to learn. I can't wait for that experience.

I want all abide survivors to know that the journey to healing and happiness is a long, painful one. It takes patience and perserverance. Don't give into the dark thoughts that might plague you. And don't believe the demons inside of you and outside that tell you you're worthless. You're not. 

Today I'm grateful for what I learned. And for the bitterness of past experiences. Without those things wouldn't be so sweet now. 

A Few Rules to Live By

1. If it's milk, make it chocolate.
2. Always carry a good book.
3. Say "I love you" every day.
4. Be like a duck, let it roll off your back.
5. Laugh.
6. Welcome the pain, for when relief comes it will be twice as beautiful.
7. Feed the cat.
8. Forgive. It makes the load less heavy to bear.
9. Smile and nod.
10. Always have Chapstick. Or a friend with Chapstick.
11. Apologize.
12. Always get the horse first.
13. Stop wishing for tomorrow when you haven't lived today.
14. Ask for help.
15. Humbleness is not a sign of weakness.
16. Spell check is your friend.
17. Not all French fries are created equal.
18. If it seems too good to be true, it is.
19. Always have a backup plan.
20. The best things in life take time--don't miss out due to lack of patience.
21. Always choose the Mac.
22. If you look for the bad in people you are sure to find it.
23. Sometimes a change of perspective can change the world.
24. Spandex is a privilege, not a right.
25. Everything is funnier when you laugh with a friend.

Quick, Quick Overview

Yes I am still alive.

I haven't written because I don't have anything to write about. My life is extremely boring. I guess I could tell you about all the crazy dates I have gone on recently. Maybe about the guy who sung his own theme song music on the date AND ate all the fries we got at Red Robin. If you know me at all, you know how big of a deal this is to me.

I could tell you about the guy who sent me a picture of himself "turned on." That was super awkward. And no, I am not going to explain further. If you don't understand then consider yourself lucky.

Hmmm... Or I could tell you about the job I got and quit, the Disneyland trip I gave my sister for her birthday, or the guy who drugged me on our second date.

I could tell you about my brother's wisdom teeth, my dad freaking out at the poor kid who was trying to sell my mom something, my new iPhone, or even our family trip to Nauvoo to pick up my sister...

But I don't even know where to start. Or what to talk about.

Maybe because it's embarrassing to admit that I am still here and still single and still interestingly alive. Or maybe it's because I don't want to vent all the time... even though that seems to be my only reason for getting on.

Whatever the reason, I have been noticeably absent from the blogging world. I don't even read blogs anymore. But I will try to be better. Not for you, but for me.

I think I need to write more.

There's something about writing that clears my head and makes things better. :)

My Sister

I miss Shantae.

I can't wait until she comes home.

I know this isn't much of a post.

But I'm lonely.

I can't wait until I can hug her again.

Purge So I Can Finally Sleep

It's hard not to question, looking back, what was truth and what was words fed to poison my mind. Telling me what I "wanted to hear" only goes so far when every other word spoken was a blatent lie.

Today I question myself. I question what I believe. I cry for the part of me that is lost. Self image is hard to recapture when you aren't sure what you see in the mirror. When the facade that has been built around you crumbles and you finally recognize it was built on lies, is it even possible to pick out truths amidst the destruction?

If the kind things you said were nothing but toxins you spewed from your mouth to blind me from truly seeing you, then clearly I am as useless as you say I am. I know the truth exists somewhere, but how can you be wrong when you weren't the first to say it?

But worse than that, how can I ever believe anyone else when you have poisoned me to all that is good in this world? It doesn't matter what anyone else says. Because of you I built the walls. Because of you I'll never believe.

Maybe it's a good thing you stole my trust--destroying even the desire to try again. At least now I won't get hurt again.

Yes. I have built my walls. I am done with the pain.